I don’t know exactly where to start so I will just start from the beginning. Your dad and I never really discussed having kids or even bothered to discuss kids, but after all of our friends were having babies and we still hadn’t gotten pregnant. It started to become a topic we would discuss and start trying to have a baby and I mean we bought books, took any advice to help our chances to get pregnant. Well a year passed and some of our friends were already on their second and third kid. Followed by some not so proud hard times that somehow your dad and I survived, but thoughts of a baby were not on the top of our priority list anymore. We figured whatever was meant to be would be….. Then like that I had been noticing things that I loved I didn’t even want and then out of nowhere on our way home from partying it hit me. It was like a switch went off on why I hadn’t been feeling like myself lately. I told David to stop at Walgreens (mind you it was 2 am in the morning) He looked lost and wanted to know why we had to stop and why it couldn’t wait til tomorrow! Then I told him ” I think I’m pregnant!” Instantly we pulled over and I ran inside took the test and walked out overwhelmed with emotion. We were not only in shock but so happy and excited to start our own little family. ( I was pregnant with you in this picture)
Let’s fast forward a little bit when we were going to find out if you were going to be a girl or boy. Your dad wanted a boy and I didn’t care but I knew you were going to be a girl. When the doctor told us IT’S A GIRL !! Your dad wasn’t very happy about it. Lol actually he was upset but I knew he would get over it, and he did after he threw a fit with a little huffing and puffing involved. Lol ok let’s Fast forward to the night I went into labor. You have no idea how much I wanted to keep you in my belly because the thought of birth was absolutely terrifying to me; see I totally thought I had just tinkled a little on myself due to the massive amount of weight that was crushing my bladder. Lol but Nana said my water might have broken and I needed to go to the hospital and just make sure. After a battle of whether or not that was necessary I lost and off to the hospital we decide to go, but of course your dad asked if he could take a shower before we went. Nana a little upset he even had the nerve to ask and poor little ol me Somehow knowing that this was not going to be a false alarm. Finally we get to the labor and delivery and they admit me and run some test. As we sat there for probably 5 mins which felt like hours the nurse comes in and says we are going to go ahead and keep you Bc your going to have a baby!! My heart sunk down into my stomach, nerves were going crazy and the fear of giving birth to you seemed to give me an urge to run out of the hospital and crawl back in bed so I could wake up and it all be a dream. Lol wishful thinking… and you my daughter had no plans of cooking any longer. We were admitted midnight technically April 5th and by 3:00 o clock that afternoon I was exhausted but there was no time to spare you were coming and I had to keep pushing. Grandma had one leg and your dad had my whole left side trying to push for me. Lol and even thru all the pain I was going thru I could still see how terrified he looked but it didn’t stop him from doing whatever he could to get our little baby to come into this world, so I could hear the doctor say just one more good push and she will be here. I don’t know how I did it but most likely your dad kept me going and there you were 6lbs 7ounces 21 inches long and a head full of hair. Tears of joy filled the room and we couldn’t believe how perfect you were. They kept you the first night so I could rest and they could do their job on making sure u were healthy. The next morning when they brought you back I remember the nurse walking in and seeing your dad passed out exhausted and I had been sitting up waiting for you. Lol she said if I didn’t know better I would have thought dad was the one who went thru labor. Lol he swears he did all the work. Your first feeding session with us didn’t go exactly like the nurse said it would. See in most cases you give a baby a bottle and they just instinctively drink it. Well not you!! Should have been my first sign that you weren’t like other babies. Instead of drinking out the bottle like a normal baby. You decided that you didn’t like the formula they had given you and started throwing up like an exorcist baby formula shooting straight out and scared the bejeezus out of me and called the nursery come get you Bc I had no clue what I was doing apparently, so they took you back to the nursery while all I could think was I am going to be a horrible mom. I just choked my new born baby. Who does that? I kept thinking am I really going to be able to be a good mom. Just first time Mom jitters I guess you could call it. When they brought you back I wasn’t sure if they should leave you until they explained why you reacted to the formula that way and had to switch you to soy. Talk about overthinking things.
The next couple months were so new and full of so many cute faces, smiles, and some not so fun stuff but with the help of both of your grandma Theresa’s. We looked like pros. I loved getting your dressed and taking you everywhere I was able to. The first year we spent to much money on name brand outfits and bought you tons and tons of cute dresses, shoes, bows, toys, and the list continues. Our moms would tell us that we were wasting money Bc you were going to grow out of it quickly but we didn’t care. I didn’t know how I could love you so much and how I ever enjoyed life without you in it. The amount of love you got from not just your dad and I but everyone thought u were the most precious thing so much that they started calling you muñeca which was Spanish for doll. Your lashes so long and eyes so big and dark. Tiny and always dressed in some doll like clothes.
It seems like as soon as you could walk and talk that time was just flying by. You had so much personality and made us laugh so hard. I know your life hasn’t always been the easiest and I wish you didn’t have to experience some of the situations that we exposed you to. I do know that since the day the doctor placed you in my arms I knew what my mom meant when she says that her girls are her reason for living. You didn’t come with a book of instructions and I wasn’t always the best parent but I will say that my intentions were always good and did my best to show you a better life. Over these last 12 years you have been such a sight to watch grow….
into the amazing young lady you have only started to become. Now that your getting older and you understand certain things more I wanted to remind you that I love you so freakin much and everything I do is to show you anything is possible and that no matter how hard life might get as long as you take one day at a time and never give up.
You can accomplish whatever your heart desires. I know I may seem a little tough on you at times but it’s only because I wish I could have had that tough love and high expectations from my mom, and I’m not saying it was her fault and only her fault but when your young living in the moment is what matters the most not so much your future or the consequences of your actions today and how they will and can affect you tomorrow or some day down the road. I’m so proud of you and want you to know that I have been the best Mom I knew how to be. I also know that I have learned to become a better Mom that wants you to come to me and tell me whatever it might be. I am here to help you figure things out that don’t make sense or help you when you aren’t sure of the best decision might be. I’ll be here when u get your first heart break, your first college application, or whatever you decide you want out of life. I will always be here to support you and do whatever it is to help you get there. I love you Giovanna Michelle and You will always be my Vanna baby.
I have watched you grow before my eyes. Such a bitter sweet journey…. Sad to say good bye to my baby yet welcome my young lady and all that comes with this second half of this journey as your mother, friend, and biggest supporter in any and every dream you decide to chase and/or create.
My purpose in life is to provide you with all the tools you need to write your legacy. You have been my strength when I feel weak. Motivation when things get tough, and of course the sunshine on a rainy day!! I could go on forever with this letter I am writing of what an awesome kid you are, but I hope u kinda get a better understanding now. Happy Birthday to my amazing daughter Giovanna Michelle Serna!!! I love you baby and life without you would not make sense!! You are my world and everything I am doing with my life is to let you witness what others think might be impossible is really possible and that you are the only one that is capable of making life what you want it to be.
Yours truly – Mom