Giovanna Michelle

A letter to my daughter

trying to make a dollar out of 15 cents is an understatement

I don’t know exactly where to start so I will just start from the beginning. Your dad and I never really discussed having kids or even bothered to discuss kids, but after all of our friends were having babies and we still hadn’t gotten pregnant. It started to become a topic we would discuss and start trying to have a baby and I mean we bought books, took any advice to help our chances to get pregnant. Well a year passed and some of our friends were already on their second and third kid. Followed by some not so proud hard times that somehow your dad and I survived, but thoughts of a baby were not on the top of our priority list anymore. We figured whatever was meant to be would be….. Then like that I had been noticing things that I loved I didn’t even want and then…

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Giovanna Michelle

I don’t know exactly where to start so I will just start from the beginning. Your dad and I never really discussed having kids or even bothered to discuss kids, but after all of our friends were having babies and we still hadn’t gotten pregnant. It started to become a topic we would discuss and start trying to have a baby and I mean we bought books, took any advice to help our chances to get pregnant. Well a year passed and some of our friends were already on their second and third kid. Followed by some not so proud hard times that somehow your dad and I survived, but thoughts of a baby were not on the top of our priority list anymore. We figured whatever was meant to be would be….. Then like that I had been noticing things that I loved I didn’t even want and then out of nowhere on our way home from partying it hit me. It was like a switch went off on why I hadn’t been feeling like myself lately. I told David to stop at Walgreens (mind you it was 2 am in the morning) He looked lost and wanted to know why we had to stop and why it couldn’t wait til tomorrow! Then I told him ” I think I’m pregnant!” Instantly we pulled over and I ran inside took the test and walked out overwhelmed with emotion. We were not only in shock but so happy and excited to start our own little family. ( I was pregnant with you in this picture)

Let’s fast forward a little bit when we were going to find out if you were going to be a girl or boy. Your dad wanted a boy and I didn’t care but I knew you were going to be a girl. When the doctor told us IT’S A GIRL !! Your dad wasn’t very happy about it. Lol actually he was upset but I knew he would get over it, and he did after he threw a fit with a little huffing and puffing involved. Lol ok let’s Fast forward to the night I went into labor. You have no idea how much I wanted to keep you in my belly because the thought of birth was absolutely terrifying to me; see I totally thought I had just tinkled a little on myself due to the massive amount of weight that was crushing my bladder. Lol but Nana said my water might have broken and I needed to go to the hospital and just make sure. After a battle of whether or not that was necessary I lost and off to the hospital we decide to go, but of course your dad asked if he could take a shower before we went. Nana a little upset he even had the nerve to ask and poor little ol me Somehow knowing that this was not going to be a false alarm. Finally we get to the labor and delivery and they admit me and run some test. As we sat there for probably 5 mins which felt like hours the nurse comes in and says we are going to go ahead and keep you Bc your going to have a baby!! My heart sunk down into my stomach, nerves were going crazy and the fear of giving birth to you seemed to give me an urge to run out of the hospital and crawl back in bed so I could wake up and it all be a dream. Lol wishful thinking… and you my daughter had no plans of cooking any longer. We were admitted midnight technically April 5th and by 3:00 o clock that afternoon I was exhausted but there was no time to spare you were coming and I had to keep pushing. Grandma had one leg and your dad had my whole left side trying to push for me. Lol and even thru all the pain I was going thru I could still see how terrified he looked but it didn’t stop him from doing whatever he could to get our little baby to come into this world, so I could hear the doctor say just one more good push and she will be here. I don’t know how I did it but most likely your dad kept me going and there you were 6lbs 7ounces 21 inches long and a head full of hair. Tears of joy filled the room and we couldn’t believe how perfect you were. They kept you the first night so I could rest and they could do their job on making sure u were healthy. The next morning when they brought you back I remember the nurse walking in and seeing your dad passed out exhausted and I had been sitting up waiting for you. Lol she said if I didn’t know better I would have thought dad was the one who went thru labor. Lol he swears he did all the work. Your first feeding session with us didn’t go exactly like the nurse said it would. See in most cases you give a baby a bottle and they just instinctively drink it. Well not you!! Should have been my first sign that you weren’t like other babies. Instead of drinking out the bottle like a normal baby. You decided that you didn’t like the formula they had given you and started throwing up like an exorcist baby formula shooting straight out and scared the bejeezus out of me and called the nursery come get you Bc I had no clue what I was doing apparently, so they took you back to the nursery while all I could think was I am going to be a horrible mom. I just choked my new born baby. Who does that? I kept thinking am I really going to be able to be a good mom. Just first time Mom jitters I guess you could call it. When they brought you back I wasn’t sure if they should leave you until they explained why you reacted to the formula that way and had to switch you to soy. Talk about overthinking things.

The next couple months were so new and full of so many cute faces, smiles, and some not so fun stuff but with the help of both of your grandma Theresa’s. We looked like pros. I loved getting your dressed and taking you everywhere I was able to. The first year we spent to much money on name brand outfits and bought you tons and tons of cute dresses, shoes, bows, toys, and the list continues. Our moms would tell us that we were wasting money Bc you were going to grow out of it quickly but we didn’t care. I didn’t know how I could love you so much and how I ever enjoyed life without you in it. The amount of love you got from not just your dad and I but everyone thought u were the most precious thing so much that they started calling you muñeca which was Spanish for doll. Your lashes so long and eyes so big and dark. Tiny and always dressed in some doll like clothes.

It seems like as soon as you could walk and talk that time was just flying by. You had so much personality and made us laugh so hard. I know your life hasn’t always been the easiest and I wish you didn’t have to experience some of the situations that we exposed you to. I do know that since the day the doctor placed you in my arms I knew what my mom meant when she says that her girls are her reason for living. You didn’t come with a book of instructions and I wasn’t always the best parent but I will say that my intentions were always good and did my best to show you a better life. Over these last 12 years you have been such a sight to watch grow….

into the amazing young lady you have only started to become. Now that your getting older and you understand certain things more I wanted to remind you that I love you so freakin much and everything I do is to show you anything is possible and that no matter how hard life might get as long as you take one day at a time and never give up.

You can accomplish whatever your heart desires. I know I may seem a little tough on you at times but it’s only because I wish I could have had that tough love and high expectations from my mom, and I’m not saying it was her fault and only her fault but when your young living in the moment is what matters the most not so much your future or the consequences of your actions today and how they will and can affect you tomorrow or some day down the road. I’m so proud of you and want you to know that I have been the best Mom I knew how to be. I also know that I have learned to become a better Mom that wants you to come to me and tell me whatever it might be. I am here to help you figure things out that don’t make sense or help you when you aren’t sure of the best decision might be. I’ll be here when u get your first heart break, your first college application, or whatever you decide you want out of life. I will always be here to support you and do whatever it is to help you get there. I love you Giovanna Michelle and You will always be my Vanna baby.

I have watched you grow before my eyes. Such a bitter sweet journey…. Sad to say good bye to my baby yet welcome my young lady and all that comes with this second half of this journey as your mother, friend, and biggest supporter in any and every dream you decide to chase and/or create.

My purpose in life is to provide you with all the tools you need to write your legacy. You have been my strength when I feel weak. Motivation when things get tough, and of course the sunshine on a rainy day!! I could go on forever with this letter I am writing of what an awesome kid you are, but I hope u kinda get a better understanding now. Happy Birthday to my amazing daughter Giovanna Michelle Serna!!! I love you baby and life without you would not make sense!! You are my world and everything I am doing with my life is to let you witness what others think might be impossible is really possible and that you are the only one that is capable of making life what you want it to be.

Yours truly – Mom

Daily Prompt: Loophole

The infamous LOOPHOLE! It’s the twinkle that lights up your eye when u have lost hope accepting what will be and then it hits you “What if“ ….  when u can see the gray in something that someone tells you it’s  black and white. It’s finding that one technicality which you still abide by the rules but decided to play the same game with an advantage per say.  Loopholes are the ideas/ answers that some have had to put some long hard thought by analyzing the situation to find that one little detail and using it to your benefit. Loopholes is the definition of that saying “ If there is a will there is a way!” Loopholes are the key     when you might feel like your back is against the wall and have run out of options.  I can go on and on about loopholes but I think you get my drift  Not everyone can find them or even look for them for numerous reasons but if you are one of the few that takes a look at the whole picture instead of just looking at what’s in front of you then I tip my hat to you and respect how you will go the extra mile or not accept those dreadful words There is nothing you can do about it. By proving there is always something you can do to maybe not fix it but could definitely improve the situation. Don’t settle for mediocre… Shoot for the stars!! Make the impossible possible even if you have to squeeze thru a loophole or two… As long as you stay true to yourself and play by the rules then why not?

 

via Daily Prompt: Loophole

The Daily Post- Study = ol·o·gy – a subject of study; a branch of knowledge.

When I think of the endless possibilities that one could study!! The unlimited amount of knowledge that you gain and how we incorporate study without even knowing. We subconsciously studying the body language of people we pass on a busy sidewalk or the study of a first impression of someone we meet.  To study based on curiosity of the unknown or from a class, book, or lecture; such as bio-OLOGY or astr-OLOGY. You could practically put OLOGY behind countless words and waa -laaa magic it turns into an objective which we focus on and go in depth of whatever the heart desires to discover about it. Endless amounts of material at our fingers tips with the ol faithful; number one go to when we have a question that you need an answer for… GOOGLE!! It has taken over the days when u actually had to pull out the encyclopedia or go to the library and spend hours researching any and all information that was available to obtain knowledge of the subject. Techn-OLOGY HAS MADE STUDYING ACCESSIBLE NO MATTER WHERE OR WHAT YOUR DOING A CLICK OR LINK AWAY.  It’s an amazing thing to have the privilege to have. So STUDY AND STUDY SOME MORE.  YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TO MUCH KNOWLEDGE

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/study/”>Study</a&gt;

The Daily Prompt -Entertain

I use to entertain the Negativity that they knew would get a reaction out of me and get me totally engaged with anger and fury. Ranting and raging back and forth trying to prove that I was right. Hours and hours of wasted emotion, time and to be honest was just  mentally exhausting… I use to fall into these “entertaining wars” and then it hit me!! What was I doing? Why did I insist on doing that to myself?? As I reflected on every day I entertained these pointless verbal/text wars that got absolutely nowhere but myself worked up       I decided that I was falling into their trap every time I empowered them. I wasn’t winning… I actually lost for wasting my valuable time and energy to entertain and feed them with satisfaction of getting exactly what they wanted, so from that moment on I vowed to never let anyone have the power to be able to Control my emotions and get the reaction they thrived from. Instead they got silence… Bc  like it has been proven that When they are not able to get attention they are looking for They will do what they do and lash out by saying or doing something that creates drama. They do this because negative attention is still attention.  Moral of this blog.  Don’t entertain negative attention one might be seeking and you will not only win the war, but will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders and can’t forget the best part of it all they no longer can tell themselves they can control you mentally or drain you of positive vibes!!!

Submitted to The Daily Prompt – Entertain

Pressure make Diamonds 💎

As I sit here and hum the lyrics to this new track that has graced me with its presence. I also have been analyzing this metaphor in the back of my head and I can feel myself gravitate towards it more and more by the minute. It’s almost like saying “beautiful disaster” or ” the cuccoon turning into the butterfly” see they all have the same concept every unpolished, ugly, or unexpected tragedy is something beautiful. The pressures of the decision that I will not accept my predistinguished way of life and believe me this probably has been the hardest thing I have done by far…. Training myself to break old habits; Yet learn new ones, falling in and out of love searching for my soulmate, and hold myself accountable for being the 30 yr old in college Bc I never took school seriously the first time around. I hold my head high while continuing the journey knowing that every tear I have shed, doubt I have had, and fear of the unknown is the small price you have to pay for the luxury of manifesting my goals and aspirations into reality. I use my life as an example for my daughter to show her that it’s never to late to persevere, but if you do it right the first time then you can spend more time enjoying the fruits of your labour. No matter how overwhelming I may seem to feel… I just take a deep breath inhale then slowly exhale reminding myself to focus taking one day at a time by taking one step at a time…. Sincerely yours truly Gina Marie

“Life is just like a game,

First you have to learn rules of the game,

And then play it better then any one else.”- Albert Einstein

In our short film, a love disgrace Dream a scene to brighten face – Alien Ant Farm

The moment that you both can face the facts of no matter how deep the love you feel in your heart for each other doesn’t compensate for all the pain we inflicted on one another, tears shed and fingers pointed. Yet we used those things as the reason we should never give up! What? Seriously blinded by love… Love isn’t supposed to be perfect; obstacles expected. There are limits. Boundaries that should never be crossed. Cherish and always keep in consideration of the others feeling. It’s like everything that could be done to hurt one other was done. Hey but it was ok Bc we love each other and forgive the wrongs that have been done. Til when? See after awhile it becomes harder and harder to just love each other not Bc love itself but the pain we continue to let consume us and causes the actions which then there is the reaction. Just like that there it goes a chain of reactions based on emotion no logic even taken place. How? It’s a fight literally for their heart and protecting your own. It’s a double edged sword. You want to protect yours and fighting to keep theirs. If you really love each other and know that u can’t continue to allow to keep saying its love when actually it’s more like love sick. Addicted to the pain Bc the pleasure will make us that much stronger as a justification. Then one day you wake up and realize that your tired and have no more fight left. Love is a hell of a thing and to have to throw in the towel and come to terms that there is nothing more that can be done. Accept that we have to let go. The last scene…. (not the way I played it out in my head) We say our goodbyes and calmly walk away knowing it is the end. Only left with memories and shattered dreams. Would I change it? Maybe one thing but no I would do it all over again with no hesitation just to enjoy the moments that made the fight worth every minute. No sequels…. Just The End….