Giovanna Michelle

I don’t know exactly where to start so I will just start from the beginning. Your dad and I never really discussed having kids or even bothered to discuss kids, but after all of our friends were having babies and we still hadn’t gotten pregnant. It started to become a topic we would discuss and start trying to have a baby and I mean we bought books, took any advice to help our chances to get pregnant. Well a year passed and some of our friends were already on their second and third kid. Followed by some not so proud hard times that somehow your dad and I survived, but thoughts of a baby were not on the top of our priority list anymore. We figured whatever was meant to be would be….. Then like that I had been noticing things that I loved I didn’t even want and then out of nowhere on our way home from partying it hit me. It was like a switch went off on why I hadn’t been feeling like myself lately. I told David to stop at Walgreens (mind you it was 2 am in the morning) He looked lost and wanted to know why we had to stop and why it couldn’t wait til tomorrow! Then I told him ” I think I’m pregnant!” Instantly we pulled over and I ran inside took the test and walked out overwhelmed with emotion. We were not only in shock but so happy and excited to start our own little family. ( I was pregnant with you in this picture)

Let’s fast forward a little bit when we were going to find out if you were going to be a girl or boy. Your dad wanted a boy and I didn’t care but I knew you were going to be a girl. When the doctor told us IT’S A GIRL !! Your dad wasn’t very happy about it. Lol actually he was upset but I knew he would get over it, and he did after he threw a fit with a little huffing and puffing involved. Lol ok let’s Fast forward to the night I went into labor. You have no idea how much I wanted to keep you in my belly because the thought of birth was absolutely terrifying to me; see I totally thought I had just tinkled a little on myself due to the massive amount of weight that was crushing my bladder. Lol but Nana said my water might have broken and I needed to go to the hospital and just make sure. After a battle of whether or not that was necessary I lost and off to the hospital we decide to go, but of course your dad asked if he could take a shower before we went. Nana a little upset he even had the nerve to ask and poor little ol me Somehow knowing that this was not going to be a false alarm. Finally we get to the labor and delivery and they admit me and run some test. As we sat there for probably 5 mins which felt like hours the nurse comes in and says we are going to go ahead and keep you Bc your going to have a baby!! My heart sunk down into my stomach, nerves were going crazy and the fear of giving birth to you seemed to give me an urge to run out of the hospital and crawl back in bed so I could wake up and it all be a dream. Lol wishful thinking… and you my daughter had no plans of cooking any longer. We were admitted midnight technically April 5th and by 3:00 o clock that afternoon I was exhausted but there was no time to spare you were coming and I had to keep pushing. Grandma had one leg and your dad had my whole left side trying to push for me. Lol and even thru all the pain I was going thru I could still see how terrified he looked but it didn’t stop him from doing whatever he could to get our little baby to come into this world, so I could hear the doctor say just one more good push and she will be here. I don’t know how I did it but most likely your dad kept me going and there you were 6lbs 7ounces 21 inches long and a head full of hair. Tears of joy filled the room and we couldn’t believe how perfect you were. They kept you the first night so I could rest and they could do their job on making sure u were healthy. The next morning when they brought you back I remember the nurse walking in and seeing your dad passed out exhausted and I had been sitting up waiting for you. Lol she said if I didn’t know better I would have thought dad was the one who went thru labor. Lol he swears he did all the work. Your first feeding session with us didn’t go exactly like the nurse said it would. See in most cases you give a baby a bottle and they just instinctively drink it. Well not you!! Should have been my first sign that you weren’t like other babies. Instead of drinking out the bottle like a normal baby. You decided that you didn’t like the formula they had given you and started throwing up like an exorcist baby formula shooting straight out and scared the bejeezus out of me and called the nursery come get you Bc I had no clue what I was doing apparently, so they took you back to the nursery while all I could think was I am going to be a horrible mom. I just choked my new born baby. Who does that? I kept thinking am I really going to be able to be a good mom. Just first time Mom jitters I guess you could call it. When they brought you back I wasn’t sure if they should leave you until they explained why you reacted to the formula that way and had to switch you to soy. Talk about overthinking things.

The next couple months were so new and full of so many cute faces, smiles, and some not so fun stuff but with the help of both of your grandma Theresa’s. We looked like pros. I loved getting your dressed and taking you everywhere I was able to. The first year we spent to much money on name brand outfits and bought you tons and tons of cute dresses, shoes, bows, toys, and the list continues. Our moms would tell us that we were wasting money Bc you were going to grow out of it quickly but we didn’t care. I didn’t know how I could love you so much and how I ever enjoyed life without you in it. The amount of love you got from not just your dad and I but everyone thought u were the most precious thing so much that they started calling you muñeca which was Spanish for doll. Your lashes so long and eyes so big and dark. Tiny and always dressed in some doll like clothes.

It seems like as soon as you could walk and talk that time was just flying by. You had so much personality and made us laugh so hard. I know your life hasn’t always been the easiest and I wish you didn’t have to experience some of the situations that we exposed you to. I do know that since the day the doctor placed you in my arms I knew what my mom meant when she says that her girls are her reason for living. You didn’t come with a book of instructions and I wasn’t always the best parent but I will say that my intentions were always good and did my best to show you a better life. Over these last 12 years you have been such a sight to watch grow….

into the amazing young lady you have only started to become. Now that your getting older and you understand certain things more I wanted to remind you that I love you so freakin much and everything I do is to show you anything is possible and that no matter how hard life might get as long as you take one day at a time and never give up.

You can accomplish whatever your heart desires. I know I may seem a little tough on you at times but it’s only because I wish I could have had that tough love and high expectations from my mom, and I’m not saying it was her fault and only her fault but when your young living in the moment is what matters the most not so much your future or the consequences of your actions today and how they will and can affect you tomorrow or some day down the road. I’m so proud of you and want you to know that I have been the best Mom I knew how to be. I also know that I have learned to become a better Mom that wants you to come to me and tell me whatever it might be. I am here to help you figure things out that don’t make sense or help you when you aren’t sure of the best decision might be. I’ll be here when u get your first heart break, your first college application, or whatever you decide you want out of life. I will always be here to support you and do whatever it is to help you get there. I love you Giovanna Michelle and You will always be my Vanna baby.

I have watched you grow before my eyes. Such a bitter sweet journey…. Sad to say good bye to my baby yet welcome my young lady and all that comes with this second half of this journey as your mother, friend, and biggest supporter in any and every dream you decide to chase and/or create.

My purpose in life is to provide you with all the tools you need to write your legacy. You have been my strength when I feel weak. Motivation when things get tough, and of course the sunshine on a rainy day!! I could go on forever with this letter I am writing of what an awesome kid you are, but I hope u kinda get a better understanding now. Happy Birthday to my amazing daughter Giovanna Michelle Serna!!! I love you baby and life without you would not make sense!! You are my world and everything I am doing with my life is to let you witness what others think might be impossible is really possible and that you are the only one that is capable of making life what you want it to be.

Yours truly – Mom

The Daily Post- Study = ol·o·gy – a subject of study; a branch of knowledge.

When I think of the endless possibilities that one could study!! The unlimited amount of knowledge that you gain and how we incorporate study without even knowing. We subconsciously studying the body language of people we pass on a busy sidewalk or the study of a first impression of someone we meet.  To study based on curiosity of the unknown or from a class, book, or lecture; such as bio-OLOGY or astr-OLOGY. You could practically put OLOGY behind countless words and waa -laaa magic it turns into an objective which we focus on and go in depth of whatever the heart desires to discover about it. Endless amounts of material at our fingers tips with the ol faithful; number one go to when we have a question that you need an answer for… GOOGLE!! It has taken over the days when u actually had to pull out the encyclopedia or go to the library and spend hours researching any and all information that was available to obtain knowledge of the subject. Techn-OLOGY HAS MADE STUDYING ACCESSIBLE NO MATTER WHERE OR WHAT YOUR DOING A CLICK OR LINK AWAY.  It’s an amazing thing to have the privilege to have. So STUDY AND STUDY SOME MORE.  YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TO MUCH KNOWLEDGE

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“Everyday, I was strugglin’ to learn what life’s about” -Drake

Those words have changed my life…. I had my vague picture of what I wanted my life to consist of, but as you grow into an adult the vision changed and changed again!!! That’s when the discouragement started to slowly put doubt, fear, and what ifs swirling around my head. I’m four years into this journey of redemption. Not to prove myself to anyone, but for my own personal satisfaction and of course accomplishment. The struggle of making the best out of your time here on earth can be intimidating. I know I battled myself for a long time. Complaining about my finances, my love life, my living situation and I could go on and on lol of the things that I felt wasn’t enough. I wanted more but kept settling in every aspect

I use to hear “you get what you settle for” and since I have a champagne taste on a beer budget. To make matters worse I didn’t care I was living beyond my means. Lol never stopped me from complaining about my income or change it. I’ve been training to do financials and am more aware or my own finances ( not going to lie I was frustrated and when money came up I just felt so bitter/ pissed that after I pay my bills Bc it was already spent So every time money was brought up I turned into a mean bitch. Bc I was so ashamed of my wage and the money I was making and literally argued for not only lecturing me about my bill and then trying to put $100 on my bill and the balance was higher then what needed to be payed. I was trying to prove that I could do it and didn’t need the hand out but honestly I couldn’t afford my phone bill and Xmas gifts So instead of accepting that I cannot afford to be caught up and have a 0 Balance. The payment plan method has worked with no issues. Then A text comes thru that said thank you for your payment!! LIVID ABSOLUTELY LIVID!!! So I’m Angry, sad, and just running on low patience. Fast forward a week still having financial obligations piling up and yet I’m still going to have drinks and dinner with friends or family. ( you know that saying fake it til you make it!) Is a recipe for staying broke!! So here I am working in an accounting firm, living with my aunt, and only have my phone bill, gas and rent. I’m settling for what?? ( light 💡 went on in this brain of mine.!) see god has a plan for me that I refused to accept. Everything I have been thru this year has lead me to seeing my glass half empty and instead half full!! I know I have a ways to accomplish my goals and live life to the fullest but it all starts with being fortunate for everything I am blessed to have and to know that I make enough to pay my bills without worrying how I am going to have to come up with whatever bill it might be. It’s a huge milestone and the start of becoming financially stable. I’m so determined and passionate to manifest it into reality that I know I will succeed. I have been working on becoming the best possible me that I have had to make some tough decisions and walk away from others , and it has nothing to do with feeling superior over others but more of never loosing sight of where you are going!! I can say from experience the more you change for the better; the more you crave to do more to become the best. It’s never to late and I m not going to lie. I was lost and started Giving up but I prayed and kept pushing and now I have a stable Monday thru Thursday and going to start community college this coming semester transfer to a university and want a bachelors degree in Art and minor in accounting. Be living proof that anything is possible s long s you put your mind to it. With that being said there will always be obstacles, negativity, and excuses. You have to find the solution, have faith in god, and as far as excuses just eliminate them all together and replace them with a plan of action to ensure results. Shoot for the stars. Yours Truly- Gina Marie

Hopeless Romantic 

image.jpgI sit here with my stomach in knots trying to convince myself that I’m not hurt Bc I know That I am gambling with my heart every time I let you back in my life. Hoping that this time could be our chance to have the happily ever after I so desperately desire. See I’ve been hurt over and over again and seem to make excuses, justify, and tell myself he never intentionally tries to hurt me, but somehow I always end up in some predicament where I let the sweet nothings and baby this and baby that or I’m sorry baby…. wiping my tears using his sophisticated charming communication skills to make his actions seem honestly just misunderstanding or his way of protecting me from hurting, and when you love someone your blinded and feed into his every word. Time after time I allow him to make it seem like I’m the crazy selfish spoiled childish one who just over react instead of understanding his reasoning. How many times am I supposed to allow him to continue to break my heart a little more every time. Honestly see I sit here and point the finger saying all he does is hurt me yet the truth of the matter is at the end of the day I am the one causing myself pain by allowing him back in knowing that u can’t keep putting yourself in the same situation and expect a different outcome especially when the situation itself has not changed. You have to change the situation to change the outcome. You can hope, pray, wish or even dream of what you want to be the reality of the life you want to live with him but a dream will always be a dream without not only action but them wanting it as much as yourself.  If not then you have to wake up and accept the fact that no matter what they say if their actions do not reflect his words then it’s time to let go!! It’s going to suck and it’s going to hurt but time heals all. Then one day that person you were so madly in love with will be just a memory and your heart healed!! Lol but being the hopeless romantic I can’t promise you won’t put your heart in another mans hands to be hurt again….

Some’ll say life is a gamble, which means love is a casino. Everybody just playin’ to win, think I made again. Though many ladies pretend, hoping this ain’t what it is  -Kevin Gates

Perfect Imperfections

Once again I felt as I have been neglecting my blog but as I sit here waiting with anxiety weighing high as my brain overload of what it’s, self doubt, and somehow I still have this tiny little voice fighting back saying in fact I really may have a shot at this. I came to the conclusion that what makes my art beautiful is Bc it’s a reflection of who I am and knowing I am not perfect but I also know I love and feel beautiful! My imperfections make me beautiful as well as in my art. It’s so funny how therapeutic having an outlet to share my thoughts in my most vulnerable moments. When my mind just is at war! It’s a self battle of growth and complacency…. so here I am face to face with some bright idea that I start becoming more and more interested in and since I’m sharing it with so many people that love and support me and my dream expressing their genuine belief in my talent have all persistently agreed why not!! Lol and I’m thinking to myself 50 million reason I have already told myself why not! I decided to be a tough ass and enter knowing damn well I could have came up with some lame excuse on why I decided not to enter but instead I decided to step out my comfort zone (which by the way is becoming more and more comfortable.) by pumping myself up mentally. Accepting failure and or a loss is the fundamentals to mastering your craft. With that being said I’m going into this experience being ok with the fact I am not guaranteed to win, but knowing the that I will not only regret and always have the what if, but by not entering is an automatic fail/loss so instead I’m just going to embrace my talent which might not be perfect but definitely beautiful! 

I remember syrup sandwiches and gram allowances, but just remember there is no such thing as life better then yours!!

Well I know that some won’t understand or even relate to this so far fetched analogy, but I can guarantee there is more that can relate, and since I listen to music that I can understand and appreciate what they express thru their lyrics. I never did the syrup sandwiches, but mayonnaise, ketchup, and sometimes just a slice of bread that i would roll into a ball and eat like it was a 5 star meal!! as far as the allowances lol hey what can I say it was just as good as cash.  I didn’t have the everything handed to me on a silver spoon, but I knew it could be way worse and so as  J. Cole said Love yours no matter how big your house may be as long as the people in there love you dearly that’s all that matters!!  Where is all this coming from you ask??  I seem to look at life in a different perspective as the days pass and there is so much truth in ” Beauty in the struggle, Ugliness in Success” see I jumped head first into my current career venture knowing that i will be putting in a lot of time and work with a fraction of the pay, but I also know that the opportunity, knowledge, and not having to stress about the business/ financial responsibilities that come with being the boss is something I truly can say that it is a blessing. Even though I am there helping out and meeting client’s so I can start building my own clientele so when i look back at all the hard work and dedication was worth every minute!!! As of the ugliness that comes from success I have seen also…. But hey you either see the glass half full or have empty and if you choose to look at it half empty who am I to tell you that your perception is wrong and mine is right? I will say that whatever energy you put into the world is what is given to you, so next time you feel like your better then someone else, deserve more, or can’t understand why nothing positive happens to you… I would suggest to take a couple steps back to reevaluate how you not only look at life from your own eyes but what energy u are manifesting into reality!!! tomorrow isn’t promised, so why not make everyday something great!!! stay humble and hustle hard to have the opportunity to bless someone with the same blessing bestowed upon yourself!!! Pay it Forward……..

I just want to be successful….  a couple of tips to help u succeed! #IDGT #hustlehumble 

. Having confidence and believing in yourself is paramount for success to come. If you don’t have the confidence to believe in yourself, fake it until you make it.

create a set of values and follow them through your life. Be unique — this is what truly makes you human.

Success is no more than the result of consistency and lots of small work. Draw goals, be consistent and keep working towards them

Don’t be afraid to fail. Take risks and get out of your comfort zone, this is the only way that you will achieve success — by constantly putting yourself in situation that you are likely to fail in.

. Those who succeed are the ones that spot and act on opportunities as they are presented. Realize that preparation is key to utilize opportunities.