Those words have changed my life…. I had my vague picture of what I wanted my life to consist of, but as you grow into an adult the vision changed and changed again!!! That’s when the discouragement started to slowly put doubt, fear, and what ifs swirling around my head. I’m four years into this journey of redemption. Not to prove myself to anyone, but for my own personal satisfaction and of course accomplishment. The struggle of making the best out of your time here on earth can be intimidating. I know I battled myself for a long time. Complaining about my finances, my love life, my living situation and I could go on and on lol of the things that I felt wasn’t enough. I wanted more but kept settling in every aspect
I use to hear “you get what you settle for” and since I have a champagne taste on a beer budget. To make matters worse I didn’t care I was living beyond my means. Lol never stopped me from complaining about my income or change it. I’ve been training to do financials and am more aware or my own finances ( not going to lie I was frustrated and when money came up I just felt so bitter/ pissed that after I pay my bills Bc it was already spent So every time money was brought up I turned into a mean bitch. Bc I was so ashamed of my wage and the money I was making and literally argued for not only lecturing me about my bill and then trying to put $100 on my bill and the balance was higher then what needed to be payed. I was trying to prove that I could do it and didn’t need the hand out but honestly I couldn’t afford my phone bill and Xmas gifts So instead of accepting that I cannot afford to be caught up and have a 0 Balance. The payment plan method has worked with no issues. Then A text comes thru that said thank you for your payment!! LIVID ABSOLUTELY LIVID!!! So I’m Angry, sad, and just running on low patience. Fast forward a week still having financial obligations piling up and yet I’m still going to have drinks and dinner with friends or family. ( you know that saying fake it til you make it!) Is a recipe for staying broke!! So here I am working in an accounting firm, living with my aunt, and only have my phone bill, gas and rent. I’m settling for what?? ( light 💡 went on in this brain of mine.!) see god has a plan for me that I refused to accept. Everything I have been thru this year has lead me to seeing my glass half empty and instead half full!! I know I have a ways to accomplish my goals and live life to the fullest but it all starts with being fortunate for everything I am blessed to have and to know that I make enough to pay my bills without worrying how I am going to have to come up with whatever bill it might be. It’s a huge milestone and the start of becoming financially stable. I’m so determined and passionate to manifest it into reality that I know I will succeed. I have been working on becoming the best possible me that I have had to make some tough decisions and walk away from others , and it has nothing to do with feeling superior over others but more of never loosing sight of where you are going!! I can say from experience the more you change for the better; the more you crave to do more to become the best. It’s never to late and I m not going to lie. I was lost and started Giving up but I prayed and kept pushing and now I have a stable Monday thru Thursday and going to start community college this coming semester transfer to a university and want a bachelors degree in Art and minor in accounting. Be living proof that anything is possible s long s you put your mind to it. With that being said there will always be obstacles, negativity, and excuses. You have to find the solution, have faith in god, and as far as excuses just eliminate them all together and replace them with a plan of action to ensure results. Shoot for the stars. Yours Truly- Gina Marie
I know I quote Kevin Gates often and at first I just new I enjoyed his music and knew I can’t deny his dope lyrics! I mean seriously who can’t relate to those words? That everything you choose to do in life is a risk and finding love is like going to a casino knowing the chances your going to hit the jackpot! Nobody plays to loose so of course we all know winning is a very slim chance or why would anyone invest in casinos if they knew everyone could walk out a winner, Taking risk to become whatever ur heart desires. Loving someone so much knowing that u just put your heart on the table knowing there is a 50% your going to loose it!!! When people say love is blind they aren’t joking. So don’t be blinded. Pay attention and know nothin is guaranteed. Love yourself first before trying to love someone else. Why the love blog you ask? Money can make life easier but not necessarily happy or you could love someone more then you knew you were capable of loving but no money then no matter how much you love each other u can’t live on love alone which is a very sad truth, but what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger so stay in the fight til u have a happy balance of love and financial stability. Never take either one for granted and always count your blessings especially if u have the privilege to have both….
I sit here with my stomach in knots trying to convince myself that I’m not hurt Bc I know That I am gambling with my heart every time I let you back in my life. Hoping that this time could be our chance to have the happily ever after I so desperately desire. See I’ve been hurt over and over again and seem to make excuses, justify, and tell myself he never intentionally tries to hurt me, but somehow I always end up in some predicament where I let the sweet nothings and baby this and baby that or I’m sorry baby…. wiping my tears using his sophisticated charming communication skills to make his actions seem honestly just misunderstanding or his way of protecting me from hurting, and when you love someone your blinded and feed into his every word. Time after time I allow him to make it seem like I’m the crazy selfish spoiled childish one who just over react instead of understanding his reasoning. How many times am I supposed to allow him to continue to break my heart a little more every time. Honestly see I sit here and point the finger saying all he does is hurt me yet the truth of the matter is at the end of the day I am the one causing myself pain by allowing him back in knowing that u can’t keep putting yourself in the same situation and expect a different outcome especially when the situation itself has not changed. You have to change the situation to change the outcome. You can hope, pray, wish or even dream of what you want to be the reality of the life you want to live with him but a dream will always be a dream without not only action but them wanting it as much as yourself. If not then you have to wake up and accept the fact that no matter what they say if their actions do not reflect his words then it’s time to let go!! It’s going to suck and it’s going to hurt but time heals all. Then one day that person you were so madly in love with will be just a memory and your heart healed!! Lol but being the hopeless romantic I can’t promise you won’t put your heart in another mans hands to be hurt again….
Some’ll say life is a gamble, which means love is a casino. Everybody just playin’ to win, think I made again. Though many ladies pretend, hoping this ain’t what it is -Kevin Gates
So why the throwback you wonder?? Well I’m driving jammin to my 90’s hip hop compliments of Spotify and that song started playing and all I can think to myself is how perfect timing for this to come on…. I started reflecting on the chain of events that have occurred in the last 2 days and as many times as I have heard this particular song fir some reason it touched my soul in a different way. As if Aaliyah knew that I needed to be reminded that it’s ok to fall or to make mistakes as long as you get up. Yesterday it was Alicia Keys “This girl is on fire” playing through out the whole house and again as many times as I heard that song it resignated with me in some indescribable feeling of that little flame I have burning inside. Subconsciously I knew it was there but in that moment is when I actually acknowledged my flame and the girls had the song on repeat so as I’m laying in my room on this twin size bed thinking to myself I know I can do anything I put my mind to and trying to work out all the craziness going in in my head while I could still hear “Girl on fire” playing throughout the house and some how I know I will be ok. I get up ready to conquer my day!!! See these events that I can’t actually pinpoint was my subconscious guiding me in the right direction keeping me on my path to accomplish my dreams. Listen to that little voice inside and even if you can’t understand why…. so continue the fight thru even when things get tough. It makes the reward that much more satisfying.